ASSault with a Deadly Fart

There was no where else I could file this entry but under "hot air." 

Police in W. Virginia have charged a DUI suspect for "aiming a fart at an arresting officer."  Apparently the suspect let go of a big one saying he "couldn't hold it no more." 

Can you imagine being the judge who gets this case?  "Okay, now let's see, Mr. Cruz, did you aim your fart at Officer Parsons?" 

"Judge, I couldn't hold it no more." 

"And is this the first time you've ever farted at a police officer?" 

"Yes, your honor." 

"Can you say you'll never fart at an officer of the law again?"

"Well, Judge, I can't say as I will, cos you know, when you gotta go, you gotta go, and I just couldn't hold it no more." 

"Officer Parsons, I just want to make sure. You didn't fire back at suspect Cruz, now did ya?"

"Oh, no sir, your honor.  I was completely fart-free that night." 

"Well that's a good thing Officer Parsons."

"Okay, Mr. Cruz, this whole incident really stinks to high heaven.  I can't believe you're in my court for ASSault with a deadly fart, or what was the charge, oh yeah, trying to light up a police department without a battery, no, battery, that's it.  My sentence for you is 30 days of no Taco Bell, Mexican food, baked beans or any other such foods, you got it?  There will be no more farting on police officers in my town, you got it?"

Dropping his head, "Yes, your honor.  You'll never hear a toot out of me again." 

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