Over the past five years, I’ve spent an abundance of my time walking on eggshells. In my head, I’ve taken the 1980’s song by Katrina and The Waves Walking on Sunshine and slowed it down to the Funeral March and reinserted the lyrics; “I’m Walking on Eggshells… Whoa, And it don’t feel good.”
My mom has been here since last week. We’ve had the best visit we could possibly have had. We drove 13 hours to Colorado in the car together without one tempered word spoken. We shared a one-bedroom B&B room, spent time with an uncle who in the past has been highly obnoxious, endured a scare about my car not starting Sunday when a fuse had blown, and we drove back from Colorado to here in DFW in a 13-hour car ride on Monday, all, again, without a contentious moment.
Relations with my mom haven’t always been that smooth, but they’re in stark, stark contrast to the living hell I’ve been through over the past five years.
I was just in the kitchen warming up my breakfast and blurted out in a flashback mimic, “WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH YOUR MOM WHILE YOU’RE AT WORK?!”
I heard that every time mom would come to visit over the past five years. You can change the pronoun out for when my dad would come thru headed either to or from Arizona to help guard the border.
My answer always was the same, and it crushed more eggshells than it did anything else, “Let them do what they want. They’re grown ups. They can take care of themselves.” The same thing would happen when in-laws would come over. Even if they just lived in town. It was pure hell each time. If the floors weren’t vacuumed three hours before company arrived, it was just hell.
Never have I been able to understand why some have to live in a world where there has to be so much conflict. There are enough challenges in one’s daily life to be aggravated by let alone to be upset about a parent passing through for a visit and the anxiety of “WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH YOUR MOM WHILE YOU’RE AT WORK?!” overcome all else.
I tried for so long to weather the storms of insignificance. At times, it seems like that’s where some find the most comfort. I just don’t understand that. That’s not how I chose to live my life any longer.
A Light For My Path
So when I came into the office this morning, I picked up my Bible and opened it. Don’t you just enjoy how you can open up this one book of all books and open it to what would seem to be a totally random page and there staring in front of you is a message so alive, so real, so telling?
It opened of all possible places to Psalm 119:105-112:
105 Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light for my path.
106 I have taken an oath and confirmed it,
that I will follow your righteous laws.
107 I have suffered much;
preserve my life, O LORD, according to your word.
108 Accept, O LORD, the willing praise of my mouth,
and teach me your laws.
109 Though I constantly take my life in my hands,
I will not forget your law.
110 The wicked have set a snare for me,
but I have not strayed from your precepts.
111 Your statutes are my heritage forever;
they are the joy of my heart.
112 My heart is set on keeping your decrees
to the very end.
I have turned away from the life of walking on eggshells. There is no joy there. In my experience I have found that the more you look down at places to step among the eggshells, the more you don’t look for the light. And that puts me back in the mood for the original version offered by Katrina and The Waves. For as much as others may still try to drag me down, I’m walking on sunshine, and it feels so good!
Here, give a lil’ listen: