The Adventures of Daddy Claxton

Friends should not keep their stories to themselves; but have them in common

Gentle on My Mind

February20

Ever since he was on The Grammy’s last week, Glen Campbell‘s Gentle On My Mindhas been on mine.

Cover of "Gentle on My Mind"

Cover of Gentle on My Mind

Who would have thought the irony would come to play when he found this song so many years ago and made it his forever?  He has Alzheimer’s and is on a farewell tour.

I can’t tell you how sad that makes me feel on the inside to know that he’s going through that.  There’s so many people who have this disease and I think it’s got to be one of the worst ways we’ve found yet to go–slowly and with anything but gentle on our minds.

This song’s melancholy easiness and gentle rift like water flowing down a mountain stream has always captured me.

And now I forever have the images of him on that stage with Sir Paul McCartney standing out in the crowd singing along.  What a great honor, Glenn!

In life Mr. Campbell has fought his series of show biz demons.  Who can forget the stories just a few years ago of him being arrested for DUI or public intoxication one?

Like him, I’m going to let those memories disappear into the night and the rhythm of the wonder of the joy of something so pleasant that indeed, it’s gentle on my mind.

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Despair = Suffering – Meaning

January30

It’s amazing how much anxiety people feel over change.  They fight it.  Fret about it.  Talk about it.  Blog about it.  Resist it.  Hate it.  Complain about it. And so many of us each and every day seek to keep it from happening.

Friday I received Chip Conley‘s new book, Emotional Equations.  WOW.

A few weeks ago, I did some filming for my client, Dr. Harold Duncan of Preston Place Counseling in Dallas as he delivered a speech about Emotional Intelligence.  Mom is here visiting and went with me to the speech.  In the past few weeks, I can’t tell you how many times she has said how eye-opening that speech was.  (We’re in the process of getting some bumpers shot and the speech will be available shortly on the PPC Website.)

Despair = Suffering – Meaning

One principle I’ve already captured and analyzed is Conley’s equation on Despair.  We all can suffer in one way or another from life’s changes and events.  What leads to disparity and the impact it has on us is how much meaning we allow something to have.

Are you as the 1970s cliche went: “Sweating the small stuff?”  My dad loves the corollary to that: “It’s all small stuff.”

I could go on and on down a list of things I could choose to be upset about:

  • Recent divorce from Kari; her habitual use of marijuana, heroin and meth in our house; the impact her drug problem is having on her children; her lack of upkeep of our house; her relationship with a former lover; the whole nuttiness of what being in that Houston hospital in the 1990s has had on her entire family, and now into second generations, and a string of failed relationships, the list goes on an on….
  • Work
  • Finances
  • Health
  • The lack of a winter here in Dallas and this week last year we were covered in ice for five days…..

But I’m trying to make a turn for the better and just let some of the “big” little things go.  In Conley’s terms, I’m trying to NOT let them have as much meaning.

What are some things in your world you should stop letting have so much meaning?  We all have bad stuff happening to us each and every day.  How much power are you going to let it have in your day?  How much power are you going to surrender to say a meth addict?  How long are you going to be frustrated with an ex-spouse’s parents because they refuse to do anything to help by hiding their heads in the sand?  I’m choosing more and more each day to say, “less and less.”

I know so many people who are suffering today.  In Harold’s speech, he quoted Mark Twain of all people, who said about anxiety: “I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”  But for the ones that do, what are you going to do about them?  Give them meaning or tell them to get in line to take a long walk off a short pier?

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Merry Christmas

December25

Blessings to you and yours from my family.  May you have a wonderful holiday.

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December 2011

December9

Well, December 2011 is flying by.  Sort of.

Lots of work is going on on a couple of new and incredible projects.

Christbaumkugel Svenska: En typisk julgranskula

Image via Wikipedia

Last night my girls and I stopped at the house of former next door neighbors of ours and decided to knock on the door and say hi.  We haven’t visited with the couple since we moved out of the house and into the one with our last domestic disaster.

At first, the man, Doug, didn’t recognized me.   As we shook hands, he just stared at me, knowing me, but it was taking a while to place me.

Then he looked at the girls. They used to wander over to his house every couple of days for a visit.

We found out his wife has been enduring stage IV cancer this year.  From the sound of it, she’s living a miracle.

She said her fellow workmates this year donated 17 weeks of leave to her while she was out, hospitalized, and undergoing chemo.

Hair gone and wrapped last night, it was still so good to see her.  And the girls really enjoyed stepping back in time.

“As soon as I walked in and smelled the house, I knew where I was,” one of them said as we drove back here to the apartment.

I heard this morning that our house should be moved out of by Dec. 17.  We’re waiting.

No Christmas ornaments, tree or anything else is visible inside our house.  That’s unheard of for me.  And as of 12/9 and maybe moving on 12/18 or so, I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll even put something out.  I don’t know.  I’m just not feeling it right now.  I’ve seen so much pain and loss this year.  So much suffering, and have spent so many days in the hospital this year myself.

But like our former neighbor, I’m still here.  Alive.  It’s so good to still be alive.

 

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Happy Black Friday

November25

I know some of you who were up, well maybe never even went to sleep last night so you could be out shopping in the darkness of this Black Friday.

The First Thanksgiving, painted by Jean Leon G...

Image via Wikipedia

Some day I hope to 1) have a situation where I have tons of money to go spend on the morning after Thanksgiving, 2) have things together to the point of where it makes sense to go out with a list on the morning after Thanksgiving and go shopping for things we’ve not already bought during the year, 3) have a desire to get up at 3 a.m. and go fight in lines at stores for things I probably don’t really need to buy others in the first place.

Just not my kinda deal.  If I need something, I go buy it.

 

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Happy Thanksgiving To All

November24

So many emotions flowing right now.  2011 has gone by in a literal flash with illnesses, work out of state, new clients here in town, time with my kids, time away from my kids, finishing a divorce, dealing endlessly in misery with my first wife, struggling with my weight, seeing new and old friends, and stepping away from some who I needed to let go of a long time ago.

The turkey is in the oven.  The girls will be arriving shortly.

I’m thankful to be alive.  I’m thankful for the food that’s being made, and thankful that God let me stick around on the planet a little longer.

I have a mission to fulfill.  So do you, that’s why we are here.

My wishes for each of you are the best of days, the happiest of holiday seasons, and the advice that no matter how murky or dark life may feel right now, so long as you know me, you have a friend, and a person with friends, is never without.

 

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Warmed by the Thoughts of a New Day

November3

For Texas, this Nov. 3, has begun on a “cold” note.  It’s in the 30s or 40s outside and the wind last night was fierce.  Really makes you wonder how the Cowboys and Indians survived in this when it was 80 yesterday afternoon and near freezing this a.m.

Downtown Austin from across Town Lake.

Image via Wikipedia

Today is a new day.  The skies will be clear and there are new opportunities on the horizon.

I keep telling myself that.  And telling myself that again.  And again.

May God richly bless each and every one of you today.  May he watch out over my girls at school today and bring them all to me tonight for a great time and good meal.  And may God comfort my many friends who also are struggling with divorce, custody issues, finances, troubled spouses, chemical dependencies, porn addictions, envy, loss or lack of faith, and the thought of Rick Perry being the President of the United States.

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Santa’s Sleigh & Workshop Rebuilding Project

November2

Dear Friends and Friends to Be:

In 2008, in much happier times in my life, I constructed a life-sized Santa Sleigh and Santa’s Workshop for display in front of my house in Balch Springs from just after Thanksgiving to Christmas.  Beginning on Black Saturday evening each year, I would don my home-made Santa suit and head out to the front yard on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights and let moms and dads bring their children by to see Santa if they just wanted to do something more local and not drive over to one of the malls, etc. It was great fun and made Christmas, Christmas.  Even my kids got into the act.

Stopping The Free-Fall That’s Become My Life

Well, not to go into any details, but I moved out of my house in late March 2010.  The divorce was finalized yesterday.  I get to move back into the house on Dec. 2, 2011.

What I have learned is that my tools, namely rotary saw, jig saw, power drill, bits, and who knows what else have either been pillaged or stolen when the garage door was left open.  I don’t know what.  I don’t care.  I just know they’re gone and for the time being, I don’t have the funds to replace them.

A few weeks ago, the 2008 sleigh and Santa’s Workshop were hauled off.  They’re gone.

The house decorated as it was, and can be once again, but better

REBUILDING

As a symbolic effort and as my counselor says, “getting back to the person who is Donny Claxton,” I’ve approached a local business about helping provide tools and materials needed to get the sleigh and the workshop rebuilt this month and ready to position during the first few days of December.

Each year we had dozens of children come by with their parents during the month of December.  It was great and even though I’m down about 30 lbs, I’m still plenty plump to make a good Santa. We also collected toys to present to the Balch Springs Police and Fire Departments’ Santa Cop Program.

DONATIONS

At this writing, I don’t know if the local business will come through.  I’m optimistic, but even if they do, there will be additional needs to get things ready for the show.

In this economy, I know money is tight.  Believe me, I know.  But I’m posting this asking for you to consider helping make Christmas a little better for children here in southeast Dallas County, Texas.  To get the front yard ready for Santa, I need to buy some more lighting, I’m going to need to produce flyers to distribute, and purchase candy canes, and other little things to make it all happen. I’ve even bought small barbies and cars from places like the Dollar Tree. And if the local business turns me down, the need will be even greater.

Your help also can help displace the costs of rebuilding this important local and family tradition.

Contributions can be made via PayPal.  With a donation, once the project is in action, we’ll send you a photo of a little boy or girl who gets to see Santa who otherwise would not.

A contribution for this project doesn’t go to me, it goes to local children and their families.  Please consider helping.  Many children missed out on this last year and I don’t want them to miss out on this again.

–Donny

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Divorce Party? I think not.

November1

And so now closes another sad chapter that over the past few years has become the living tragedy of our fabled namesake.

My second divorce is being “proven up,” today in court. For me, marriage has equated to the following:

2(Marriage) + kids + step-children/It wasn’t all my fault = FAIL + Disaster + Lingering Pains + 1st Wife Won’t Let Go. 

I’ve heard of people who get on planes and take their closest friends to Vegas to celebrate such occasions. I just don’t understand that. There is nothing to celebrate here, nor in Sin City.

Divorce Is Like A Death

Years ago I was told that a divorce, is “like having a funeral, just no one dies.”

After two divorces, there are huge parts within me that have died two very painful deaths.  (Did I mention I had a heart attack nine weeks ago at age 45?!) When I die, and I most certainly will pass at an earlier age than I should have, it will be in large part due to the hell I have endured as a consequence of having been married and then divorced.

In the case of this marriage, there are so many virtual deaths to mark: the loss of a spouse, the loss of step-children, the loss of the dreams that were hoped for and so many more.  All of that is gone now.

The only thing worse is to have been married to someone who can’t just walk away and leave it alone; someone who clearly has a mission to inflict as much continuing pain and anger and God knows what else into a stage show that ended years ago.

I just want to be left alone.

Nothing To Celebrate

There will be no trips to Vegas for me to celebrate.  I’ve actually never even been there and have no plans of it going onto the travel itinerary.

It’s time to close a chapter and put the book on the shelf of life, maybe to be glanced at later for the good times that were, and not the agony that has continued to ease the past 18 months.

I used to tell my daughters that Daddy wasn’t paying for any weddings until they were at least 28.  Hopefully, in spite of the stresses of life and exes, I’ll live that long.  But if it were to be an issue today, Daddy’d be telling them not to do it at all.

I’ve had two horrendous experiences with marriage.  There will be no third.  Some people are able to find a happy balance and stay married for years.  That’s great to see and hear about, but clearly something I shall never know the likes of.

My attorney the other day was saying, “You know, you can never get married again, right?  You might could live with someone, but no more marriages.”   Sage advice, but even beyond the morality points, even the latter prospect is something of which I want no part.

Marriage and divorce rates in the US, 1990-200...

Image via Wikipedia

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Holidays 2011!

October27

The year 2011 is fast becoming a memory and has flown past in a blur.  It’s now the end of October 2011, Halloween is in a few days and in Texas, it’s chilly outside.  (Yes, 57 degrees is chilly in Texas.) As I sit here and write, my chili recipe is in the crock pot and soon will be a simmering delight! Finally, good, positive and happy changes are taking place for the betterment of me as a person, and for the good of my daughters and many my friends.  Changes are ahead for living conditions and other business opportunities are coming along. But I also feel even more keenly aware for the heartache in others who mean a great deal to me.

New Friends and Old

I have made some truly wonderful friends so far this year, and reconnected with some from long, long ago.  It’s been nice to be in contact again with people who I have never really stopped caring about, but who I was “not allowed” to keep up with because of the insecurities of others.  And I’ve also been able to meet people who have a great outlook on life, no matter how bad things have gotten.  It’s just amazing to juxtapose the new with the old and see how vastly different “fun and determined” can be versus “angry and victimized.”

Sadly, I’ve seen the lives of some in my recent past life completely fall apart well beyond what I thought was possible. And I’ve seen those who have money  continue to live by the philosophy that maybe they can take it with them.

The Coming Holidays

I’m beginning to look forward to the coming of the holidays.  I’ve never been much for Halloween, but the spirit has been put into me for Monday’s holiday and then of course there’s Thanksgiving and Christmas!

I have met some incredibly creative people this year in places I never would have expected.  The “Pumpkin Pig with Tutu” created by one of them in the wee hours this morning is posted below.  Never in 45 years have I thought about spray painting a pumpkin pink and turning it into a pig.  This is just cool.

Decorted Pumpkin Pig with Tutu

Decorted Pumpkin Pig with Tutu

Daughter Chandler, almost 15 going on 30, last night was encouraging me to try harder to enjoy the season than the one we endured last year.  Things were so tight, we even made each other gift jars with kind words in them to give as our gifts.  Chandler said last night, “And we lived even though that was all we got.” Like for most other middle class Americans, things this year are going to be tight again, but we have been inspired by a new sense in the importance of family and the expression for love and appreciation.

In this family, Christmas always has been a great big deal.  Sadly I learned recently  the wooden Santa Sleigh I made for the front yard has been hauled off along with “Santa’s Workshop.”  Those two creations made a difference for countless children and adults. Hopefully in time, I’ll have the chance to make new ones better than the first.

Most of all this holiday season I’m looking forward to finding new traditions with my family and new friends and trying to let the pains and frustrations of things in the past float off into the ocean as though they were an iceberg drifting into the warmer waters of the sea to eventually dissolve with the passage of time. 

PS:  And HA!  Yes, the pumpkin pig has a back end, too…

Yes, it's the rear of a Pumpkin Pig in a Tutu

 

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